《How to Be a Carpenter》是Aesop Rock演唱的一首歌，由Aesop Rock填詞並擔任製作，歌曲於2000年09月05日首發，收錄在專輯《Float》。
Aesop Rock是Mush唱片公司旗下一名Hip-Hop歌手，1997年發行專輯《Music For Earthworms》，2003年發行《Bazooka Tooth》，2005年發行《The Living Human Curiosity Sideshow》，2007年，發行新專輯《None Shall Pass》。
[Aesop Rock - Talking] So you want to be a carpenter, do you? Well it takes more than a hammer, boy You're gonna need blueprints and a will to build, and... Straighten your cap! you look like you've been through a war Wipe that grin off your mug, you got a sturdy frame? Sluggish posture just won't cut it You're gonna need schooling, and, and, and take notes! And god if I catch you yawning again you're gonna regret ever asking for my help And dammit you gotta hustle, this is a slacker-free zone And, where's my pencil? Go get your hard-hat Here's a nickel, go get us a ruler and a saw and a drill and lots of graph paper... Yo.. I used to have a rope ladder but tattered were the rungs I strung it from the highest willow, trying to hug the sun The seventh level buckled and I tumbled from the summit Now I'm back to re-climb and this time light my cigarette from it My stitch in division/division warfare's numb enough to soak suddenly in a bullet bath and skip stones in the morning Is a flying color phantom tantrum explicable? Sit and pull the petals off wild flower patches, magic happens! Behold, pity the lowlife parish? Doom City barracksleft remorse coursed on a horse-drawn carriage by the torch of Polaris To the badlands, where every bridge collapse right where the crowd stands Where the witches are fireproof and every preacher's a madman Frigid be the appleseed demeanor towards the bay where the landshark Parliament swims When they pause to polish they fins The better brains will preach the village through the city square To the light, heavy and middle-weight integrate Slept with sticks and stones in my pillowcase Ooh my born flight simulator picks barnacles off the tugboat belly Left my spirit home in a shoebox in case I die Got a rugged smoke-green halo floatin' inches off the swamp Had that phase when the deviltry contacts a sparkle in my eye Now step back from the reservoir and let the settlers drink (Right!) Salvage all priorities and iron out all kinks (Okay!) My house ain't made of bricks and straw but never has it crumbled (Why?) Cause I stitched the brain's rigidity with symmetry Come visit me, it's fascinating [Aesop Rock- Talking] Now here's how its done, I'm only gonna show you once So pay close attention, hear me now or hear me never Glue your little eyes to the diagram See the plywood, the nails, the glue?You work every inch Your domain and you must treat it well Keep it clean or it'll swallow you whole Where's the T-square, hand me the pliers Now dammit, oh, this will never do! You have to want the castle, head Up, shoulders back Be the materials, know your limits only to break your limits Are you listening? God dammit boy, pay attention [Chorus] Try it again, little bit more juice this time Try it again, yeah, a little bit more elbow grease this time Try it again, concentrate, a little more focus this time You can kick and scream and yell but damn I'm only tryin' to help Try it again, you're not doing it right, here now, y'all watch Try it again, stop sulking, I'm the example, for real, Watch Try it again, I'm bout to make it easy for you y'all, just Watch You can kick and scream and yell but damn I'm only tryin' to help As if it didn't sting enough The hunt dispatched a pack of wild dog silhouettes All sulking by the skyline, focused with a bonus hunger pain My sincere addiction imbalance stems from a vintage grimace slap to the muck of Ancestral branch camped on the vessels Yes and I abide, the laws of the hidden desert survived And every peasant present teetered it on the crescent less deprived With the exception of pleasant finale binges on the great endangered interests Of phantom brigades slaving to save that princess I double the negative (Double the negative), to no avail, no promised benefits Just delegates peddling pairs of negatives With magnified magnanimous appearance sandy sinners in opinion shut Now what of the madness fragments? Stagnant How to make a vision sing while twigs cling to your pigeon wings Fission militia, indent bent to split blood in hell's kitchen sink Organize civility simpleton citizen mixers, then kiss the sky in unison Sinister city-blistered corporate hooligans All I really want's a nickel to feed my little pig Redefine big dig, three cheers to the product Consumer populace feed but never dreamed of the process On a slanted advantage point saw the makeshift criminals date rape the hostage Dream away the plain pain, yeah but it seeps through the cracks And drips from the ceiling and smells the rich scent of my tracks All I ever really wanted was a jungle, and a jungle I got See it ain't the vision it's the plot that makes me stop Try it again. I don't want to (Repeat 8x) I'm not even interested anymore Try it one more time
