《Your Horoscope For Today》是Weird Al Yankovic演唱的歌曲，收錄於《Running With Scissors》專輯中。
基本介紹
- 外文名：Your Horoscope For Today
- 所屬專輯：Running With Scissors
- 歌曲原唱：Weird Al Yankovic
- 歌曲語言：英語
歌曲歌詞
AQUARIUS
There's travel in your future when your tongue
Freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
PISCES
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
With the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance
No matter what those idiots at work say
ARIES
The look on your face will be priceless
When you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
TAURUS
You will never find true happiness
What you gonna do cry about it
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up
Do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Yay yay yay yay yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Yay yay yay yay yay
That's your horoscope for today
GEMINI
Your birthday party will be ruined once again
By your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble
When your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
CANCER
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend
The rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
While taking your driver's test
LEO
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
And staple it to your boss's face oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik
VIRGO
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent
Except for you
Expect a big surprise today
When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Yay yay yay yay yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Yay yay yay yay yay
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable
Or at the very least a bit unlikely
That the relative position of the planets
And the stars could have a special deep significance
Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you
But let me give you my assurance
That these forecasts and predictions
Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence
